Signs You're Too Bossy In Bed

Has the spark between you began to fizzle? It could be that you've made sex way more about you than him. That ends now! Here are eight signs you're being too bossy in bed and how to share the love.

You Put Your Fantasies First

If all the new experiences you’ve shared in bed are inspired by only your fantasies and not his, then you’re just not playing fair. You should want a starring role in his fantasy fun too. Solution: Role-playing marathon! Only, this time, let him be the director.

You Bring Work to Bed

When you bring your tech toys, like your laptop, iPad or smart phone, to bed, it sends a clear message his way: You’re not in the mood to play with him because you’d rather play with them. If he was hoping to have a little fun before bed time, this feels like an immediate shutdown. Solution: Institute a “no electronics in bed” rule immediately o avoid distractions taking center stage.

 

You Talk More than You Listen

 

Nothing kills the mood quite like an awkward conversation that comes out of nowhere. It’s okay to be distracted – it happens! – but try to avoid switching gears on him mid-moment to talk about “something that’s been on your mind.” Solution: Before you go there, ask yourself: Can the conversation wait until you’re both ready to have it? Your voice can and should be heard, but don't forget to stop and listen to what he wants too.

You Constantly Refuse His Special Requests

It’s important to always keep in mind that great sex requires effort on both your parts. If he’s telling you what turns him on and you repeatedly choose to ignore it, there’s no compromise there. Solution: The next time he hints that you slip into some sexy lingerie (see the new February issue of ESSENCE for suggestions) or wear your hair a certain way,  oblige him. It will only lead to more fun.

 

You're A Snob When It Comes to His Suggestions

The fastest way to disappoint your boo in bed is to enthusiastically ask him what he wants and then completely disregard it – especially by laughing or rolling your eyes. Solution: Be open to trying new things for him (like positions, toys, or locations) just as you’d want him to at least attempt to try “that new thing you read about the other day.”