ways to change what he does in bed!

How to get what you want in bed, without offending him

The male ego is a fragile thing, and telling your man that you’d like him to change his bedroom antics is likely to dent that sensitive ego and upset him. If you’re looking to spice up your sex life without venturing onto touchy territory, we’ve got the sex solutions for you.    

Share your sexual fantasies

If you don’t talk to your partner about what you fancy doing between the sheets (or in the bathroom) how are you ever going to get it? By sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, you can tell him exactly what you’d like to try without hurting his feelings. There’s a good chance that your man will be turned on by hearing your repertoire of naughty thoughts and will want to put them into practise right away.

 Put the ‘x’ into ‘sex’

Try watching some x-rated films together for a little inspiration and he’s sure to learn a few things about what you fancy and what you’re not so fond of. If you see a particular position or move that you’d like to try, don’t be afraid to tell him. Using visual aids gets the message across clearly and focussing on new technique that you’d like to try is a positive way to change what he’s doing in bed.

Give feedback

Don’t be afraid to be blunt and tell him exactly where you want to be stimulated. Instructions such as “to the left” are not reserved for when you’re reciting your Beyonce lyrics; it’s a perfect way to help him learn where your hotspots are. If he does something that feels particularly nice, make sure you tell him.

 Ask what feels good for him

This may sound counterintuitive, but if you’re confident that you’re pleasing him you’ll feel more confident about asking him to hit your hotspots too. Finding out what feels good for him is also a great way to lead on to the topic of what feels good for you.

Don’t make a big deal of it

There’s nothing wrong with just telling him what you want to change about his bedroom antics, but don’t make a big deal of it. Don’t look him directly in the eye; men see eye contact as a sign of confrontation, and we all know they’re not fond of this. Make sure you tell him while you’re sitting next to him or you’re both preoccupied with something rather than face-to-face. This way, the mood will be relaxed and you avoid making him feel like he’s being shouted at

 Get flirty over text 

Face-to-face communication can seem a little too serious. Instead, send him a few flirty texts asking him what he wants you to do to him later and tell him what you’d like him to do for you. This way, you can tackle the subject without him feeling one jot of criticism. Oh, the wonders of modern technology!

Guide him

If you simply can’t find the words to tell your guy that you’d rather he changed his techniques between the sheets, you could physically guide him and show him what you like. If, for example, he was touching you in the wrong place, next time he’s doing it just take his hand and gently guide it towards the place that feels best.

 Reward what works

This may sound like a school teacher and pupil kind of  relationship but if your man doesn’t know what you like, then how is he to know that he should keep doing it? Every time he does something you like, make sure he knows about it! 

Two positives for every negative

If you’re going to give your man some pointers, don’t overload him with negative comments. He’ll start to think you’re nagging him and will eventually tune out. Instead, make sure that for every negative point you raise, you add on two positives. For example, “I’m not sure I like it when you kiss my neck, but I love it when you touch me here”.

Take a holiday

A great time to experiment with new sexual techniques is when you’re on holiday. During this time, you and your partner will be much more relaxed and willing to try new things. Who has the energy for sexy time after a stressful day at work? Pass us our pyjamas and a warm mug of tea. There’s a good chance your man will be feeling the same way. So if your sex life is waning, book a holiday and your sex life will reap the rewards. Voila – bedroom bliss. We’d like to thank all of those warm sunny rays and cosmos.